My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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