The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
