i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
