I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
