Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
