I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
