We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
