I can text with my tongue
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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