I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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