I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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