They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
