is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
