its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize