I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
