a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
