so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
