It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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