Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
