Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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