This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize