I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
