She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
