I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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