Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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