i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
