what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
They took my balls.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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