hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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