You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Say something about gay babies.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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