Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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