Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
