she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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