I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Two words: nipple clamps
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