I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
