...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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