Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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