How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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