so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
