I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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