I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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