and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
