i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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