Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
