I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
