would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
