Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
