Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
