awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
