please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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