I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
