I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
