The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
