maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need to sanitize my soul.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
