how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
