i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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