I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
