i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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