is your mom at the bar?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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